K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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