Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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