you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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