i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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