I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
