I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
