He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
