Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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