he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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