when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
