You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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