I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
