I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Randomize
