He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
