I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
