Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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