it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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