How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
