This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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