My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
