I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
