for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
