Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
