we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
