Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
