Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize