You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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