so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
