can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize