I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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