That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
