I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
