i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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