Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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