She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
