Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Randomize
