he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Randomize
