i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
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