everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
