First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
He did a backflip because drugs
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
