I don't think brook has ever known best
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
