Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
