Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
