we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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