he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
