omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
