You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
