I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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