did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
