I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize