i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
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