He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
