Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Randomize
