I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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