My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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