I want to walk on stilts...naked
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
