I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
