New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
