i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
