I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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