Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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