Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
