Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Randomize
