weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
