No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
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