Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
