please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I am one with the molecules
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
