Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
