nut hugger
She just used a chaser for red wine.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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