are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
