drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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