We're like a lot better than the average bears
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize